His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
