like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you will always have a special place in my vag
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize