can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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