We got so high we made milksteak
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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