i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
