I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
