im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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