I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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