I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
