Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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