sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
