He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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