Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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