Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
