She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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