Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
