DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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