I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
