first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
