Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
