Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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