maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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