cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
