I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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