do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
