It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize