So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
