I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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