I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
