so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we should paint friendship bongs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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