Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
