In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
