why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
