I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
