you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
