pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have already put on my inside pants.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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