i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
