So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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