a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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