There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
