Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
