so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
