we're blogging at a bar
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
