Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
