Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize