I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize