I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
