Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
