oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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