I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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