im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
