I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize