I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
