if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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