just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize