I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
