Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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