Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
