No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
