her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
