The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
