I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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