Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
