There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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