I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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