STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
